Emi Takahashi had a consistent dream throughout the majority of her life. She wanted to earn a living by drawing stuff; specifically, moving stuff. What she desired was to be yet another link in the animation business keychain.
People out there who thought Sailor Moon Crystal would be nothing but a better looking re-hash of the original series: I’m sad to inform you were wrong. This series is far from being “good looking”, let alone “better looking”. But a re-hash it is.
Second episode in and I’m already losing what little faith I had invested in this series. Great forebodings. Great forebodings, indeed.
ALSO KNOWN AS: The Lawyer, The Wife, And The Boobs
GENRE: So-called romantic comedy that has no idea how ‘jokes’ work.
“There’s a new Cameron Diaz movie out”, my father said.
“OK”, I replied.
“I like her. She’s a pretty funny girl!” he continued.
“I could see how someone would think so, yes”, was my way of acknowledging the fact my father had said something.
“We should go watch it together.”
“I can’t think of a reason why we shouldn’t”, I answered, unable to think of an actual reason why we shouldn’t.
And went to see it we did.
If you possess even the slightest interest in the Sailor Moon franchise, you have undoubtedly already watched the über-hyped premiere of the series reboot, Sailor Moon Crystal, released last Saturday. As many of us did, you probably set up your alarm around five a.m. and watched the episode online while your imagination transformed your surroundings into a Japanese household in order to feel part of the actual premiere. You could, of course, simply have waited for the sun to come out and stream the damn thing via hulu.com or the likes at a decent hour, but where’s the magic in doing something so mundane?
Whichever the case, you watched it. At least once. But, seeing as it debuted on a weekend, the special weekly period were we turn off our brains and survive on instinct alone, there is a chance you still haven’t made up your mind on whether it was good or bad. And that’s why I’m here for, to answer such unsolvable mysteries of the entertainment industry. That’s my entire purpose in life and, yes, I am aware of how sad that is (especially when said out loud on a family gathering).
ALSO KNOWN AS: Angelina Jolie: The Movie
GENRE: Revisionist backstory fairy tale that has nothing to do with said fairy tale.
RATING: ★ ½
Maleficent is the closest thing to a Dementor the human race has had the joy to experience. But while such magical non-beings are tasked with sucking a human being dry out of any happy memories lying inside their brains, this movie targets a very specific memory: that of our childhood’s first viewing of Sleeping Beauty. And the movie is not content with just feeding on it, as it also aims to destroy it before our very eyes and replace it with a dark void of bitter nothingness. This feeling of emptiness then multiplies exponentially when you remember you actually paid for this “service”. Continue reading
– I just got home from watching Maleficent.
– Oh, yeah? Was it any good?
– Don’t watch Maleficent.
ALSO KNOWN AS: Surprises scare me so much I’ll tell you the ending of my film in its title.
GENRE: “Horror” film about the “horrors” of social media.
James Corbett is a man. That is an almost irrefutable statement stemming from the fact that his first name is James. And, apparently, he is also a renowned filmmaker, if we are suddenly considering internet points as a real commodity, that is. You may not know him as the guy responsible for “that short film about Snapchat that went viral for about 20 minutes and then died out”, his one and only call to fame, because you didn’t get the chance to hear about it before the fad went away. Said film made him almost famous for almost a day. Continue reading